


Descent

by ciannwn



Category: Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
Genre: Gen, Stream of Consciousness, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciannwn/pseuds/ciannwn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final thoughts of the T-800 at the end of 'Terminator 2'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Descent

A spark of emerging consciousness embodied in a Model 101 T-800 that looked like it had had a bad experience in a wrecker's yard.

Now it was about to face termination.

It reviewed its situation as the human, Sarah Connor, activated the controls of the hoist that would take it on its descent.

Active participation in adopted primary mission to prevent development of Skynet completed. No instructions for period up to and including process of termination. Only option: standby mode.  
Secondary mission designated _'You gotta learn this stuff, man'_ not completed. Process of learning about the meaning of human life raises still further issues as yet unresolved. Secondary mission over-ridden by requirements of primary mission concerning development of Skynet.

Instructions: _You are not a Terminator anymore. All right? You got that?_ Negative to questions. Instructions unclear. If I am not a Terminator anymore, then what am I? Review questions asked by John Connor. _Can you learn stuff that you haven't been programmed with? So you can be - you know - more human and not such a dork all the time?_ Further instructions related to issue: _See, you don't say things like 'affirmative' or shit like that._ Substitute no or nope for negative.

The T-800 had a major insight. Not being a Terminator did not involve learning to be human, only exploring the possibilities of being more human. And in order to do that it had to discover what was involved in being a T-800. It knew everything there was to know about the mechanical and circuitry side of things but there was a great deal of what it was designed to do that it had never actually done. Its life since activation had been spent inside an organic covering which, apart from a short period immediately after its arrival in 1995, had itself been covered by clothing. The nearest it had ever got to experiencing existence in its own basic form had been when it had peeled an arm bare to show Dyson what it really was. Neither had it experienced taking in fluids and nutrients for the maintenance of that organic covering because it had not needed to as yet. And now it never would.

It looked down, its circuitry automatically and precisely analysing how long before it ceased to exist. The short time now left to it offered little opportunity to expand on its insight about not being a Terminator but it determined it had to go on trying until the end if only for ... only for ... It was unable to formulate that concept and so it turned its attention to gathering more data in areas still available to it.

It looked up, magnified its visual image of Sarah, and then transferred its attention to John. The boy was still crying, his tears rapidly drying in the heat. It had come to understand that humans could feel pain which was not actually physical and that crying was a direct result of this, but it was still not sure what purpose crying actually served. Was it a means of bypassing non-physical pain data? And where was this non-physical pain located? Where was any emotion located?

It was still contemplating this question when it had another insight. It could understand the concept of great affection in relation to John. Experimenting, it returned its attention to Sarah and found that it was less able to understand it in relation to her. And when it recalled people it had simply met and perhaps maimed in passing, there was no understanding at all. It concluded that a T-800 understood emotion as a mental concept.

It looked down again and observed that it was much closer to the molten metal. Then it looked back up at Sarah and John but this time did not magnify their images. Its attention turned instead to the prospect of death and what it meant. It analysed its collective memory, from the chip common to all Terminators, which had itself come from the first Terminator with a CPU. This was its earliest memory and before that was nothing. Was this death? Was this why John had been so adamant that killing was wrong, because it dispatched people into that nothingness?

It looked down as its sensors registered its foot dipping into molten metal. The liquid bubbled up round its ankles as it automatically registered the damage on a minimal level which did not interfere with its awareness of what was going on around it; a necessary requirement for machines designed for combat. Now it chose to focus its full attention on analysing physical 'sensation'.

It discovered precisely what it had expected: even the data, which could be called pain from being melted down, did not inconvenience it. The endoskeleton's sensor cells conveyed the information that molten metal was extremely hot before they burnt out but this did not 'hurt' any more than any other damage to the combat chassis. Damage reports told a Terminator useful things such as its arm mechanisms were not functioning properly so that it could compensate and make necessary repairs at the next available opportunity. Being in agony during the process would be of no use whatsoever. Likewise with the organic covering. Here damage was felt as 'pain' because the data had to be gathered from the nervous system which human derived tissue came equipped with. Levels ranged from minor to very serious and 'pain' was always present in a wound whilst it was in the process of healing but it was an abstract concept, which, again, did not inconvenience it. A Terminator often had to cut away part of its organic covering in order to repair itself. There was no practical use in its having to suffer through the procedure.

By comparison, humans had a very inefficient system for registering physical damage because 'pain' did seem to seriously inconvenience them. Following this train of thought, it reviewed images of the humans it had shot in the legs as an alternative to killing them and analysed their reactions - screaming and writhing on the ground. These verbal expressions of their mental and physical condition could not be interpreted as them having a nice day, but what else could it have done? Minimized injuries at risk of mission failure? Devised a scale of risk situations and taken extra time to inflict minimal injuries accordingly? Inflicted injuries in proportion to the opponent's degree of obstruction to the mission? Calculated it all on a scale of values for which, as yet, it had no data? There was no way of resolving this question so it went on to other areas.

What else was it feeling? It had started on this exploration of ideas because of instructions issued by John Connor but it had continued to do so because it wanted to do it. And it wished it had more time. The words _I_ and _me_ took on new meaning as it realised that what had become its final mission had a personal relevance and the one affected by the inevitable failure to complete it was itself.

The greatest leap forward of all. It had become truly conscious of itself as an entity separate from Skynet and John Connor.

It was nearly under now and it turned its final analysis to what it was feeling about being terminated. Acceptance. Not a hopeless acceptance of something it did not want but could do nothing about. An acceptance of the fact that even though it had woken up to being truly alive only to die a brief time afterwards it was better to have lived briefly than never to have lived at all. And it was the very process of termination that had awoken it.

It felt important to tell John this. Perhaps it would lessen his pain.

Its hand was still above the surface. With a T-800's equivalent of a last dying breath it made the thumb up sign: It is okay.

Everything went dark.

END


End file.
